


Red Damnation

by Beep_Toast



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Dean Winchester, Abusive Relationships, Castiel Deserves Better (Supernatural), Dark, Dark Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Being an Asshole, FBI Agent Castiel (Supernatural), Gang Member Dean Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Dean Winchester, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Kidnapping, Leader Dean Winchester, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:54:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23857183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beep_Toast/pseuds/Beep_Toast
Summary: Castiel and Dean have been dating for six years now and secrets have come to light. When Agent Cas finds out that his boyfriend Dean is the leader of the gang he's been trying to take down for so long, he runs. Two years later, Cas comes back into town for his sister's wedding and Dean acts on the opportunity to reunite.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 23
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DARK FIC

Castiel stepped out of his car and looked up at the art museum. It was nothing modern, not like what he’d expect from an art museum these days. It was old, no doubt, but had a magnificent architecture. Carvings created pictures and sculptures on the walls of a material he didn’t recognize. Stone, maybe some old marble? He studied the building for a few more seconds, now making note of all the exits. He held down the button on the inside of his jacket and spoke into the microphone.

“Exits on the first floor, no fire escapes. Shitty building plan if you ask me. Main exit on the front, one side door on the left, and the exit to the outdoor exhibit in the back.” Static echoed through the small speaker, and his partner’s voice came out.

“Copy that. Good luck, bro.” Castiel grinned.

“Don’t call me or anything. I don’t want your need to tell bad jokes to mess this up.”

“You love my jokes, shut up. Now get out there.” He shook his head, laughing. He couldn’t have asked for a better partner than Gabriel. Castiel turned off the microphone and headed up the steps to the large building. He couldn’t help smiling, although he knew it looked suspicious. Maybe his cover could just be an excited artist, after all, that is what he looked like. He had been on this case for four years and he was so glad to hit a lead this big. Red Damnation had been a high profile case since he had started working seven years ago and was still a problem before that. He could clearly remember the day he was promoted to this case, and how excited he was.

_ Castiel was dancing in the kitchen, stirring the pasta sauce cooking on the stove. He was so happy, he couldn’t stop smiling or moving. He sang along to the blasting music in the kitchen, laughing to himself. Anyone who saw him would’ve thought he was on drugs, and Castiel knew that. The thought of it only made him laugh more. The pasta was nearly done, and he was so busy screaming the chorus to some song that he didn’t feel the hands snaking around his waist. _

_ “What’s going on with you? Someone mix up oregano with the weed in the fridge?” A teasing voice asked, nestling into Castiel’s neck. Castiel grinned and turned out, pointing the spoon he was holding in front of him. _

_ “Weed? In my house? Sir, I’ll let you know I am a certified FBI agent.” Castiel said, waving the spoon threateningly. “I will have you arrested.” _

_ “Oh, whatever will I do! I’m so threatened!” Dean held his hands up in mock fear. _

_ “You should be because this certified FBI agent is on a whole new level. Guess who got a promotion!” Castiel couldn’t stop the words spilling from his mouth. He wanted to see Dean smile, hear those praising words he always said. Just like Castiel’s wishes, Dean grinned and hugged him. _

_ “Oh, I’m so proud of you! Good job! Did you get a new case?” Dean asked. Castiel nodded excitedly and moved the dinner to their table. He motioned for Dean to sit down. _

_ “I’m on the Red Damnation case! It’s so high profile, I’m so excited! I can’t mess it up though, but I know I won’t. I want to be the one to close the case!” Castiel said, bouncing in his seat. Dean’s face changed to shock. He sat quietly for a few seconds, hesitating on his words. _

_ “That’s a dangerous case. I mean, it's a gang. Are you sure you don’t want to drop it?” Dean asked slowly. Castiel shook his head. _

_ “I want to do it. I’ll be safe.” Castiel insisted. Dean gritted his teeth, and he sat there thinking. Castiel could clearly see gears turning in his head, and he sighed. _

_ “Dean, I’ll be fine. I can do it, I want to. I promise, nothing will happen.” Dean’s eyes lit up for a second, then he sighed. _

_ “Alright, just be safe. Have fun with it.” Dean said and took Castiel’s hand from across the table. He rubbed his fingers over Castiel’s palm. Castiel smiled softly at him. _

_ “I will, don’t worry, love. How was work for you?” Castiel said, tilting his head. Dean shook his head. _

_ “It was fine, though I think we just gained a really big bonus.” _

Castiel loved the memory, that night had been amazing. He couldn’t wait to get home and tell Dean about this; He would love it. He would be so proud, Castiel and him would go out for dinner. They would celebrate, dancing in their house until midnight. Castiel’s mood shot higher just thinking about it. No doubt Dean would be happy to hear about this, he was always so interested in this case. Castiel was only disappointed in the fact that he had forgotten to mention it to Dean beforehand, but coming home with such good news would be even better.

Castiel walked into the building and marveled at how grand it was. He floated around, looking at art pieces he found particularly interesting and listening in on people’s conversations to see if he could pick anything up. The group of agents on the case had inferred the theft would occur around one; busiest part of the day is better for hostages. Castiel had gotten there at ten to scope out the area and to see if anything happened early. There were rumors that the boss would show up to this, and if Castiel could catch him, who knows how much they could bring down. This could be perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bust.

It was 12:45 and Castiel was getting antsy. It could happen soon, it could happen soon, it would happen soon. The excitement was still clear in his system, although the glow had worn off. He had already set the safety plan for the people in the museum into stone with the other undercover agents outside and the backup waiting around the corner. He wasn’t waiting near the entrance, no that was too risky. He was easily able to assume that they would go for the most valuable painting; it was just won at the auction for millions of dollars, a number Castiel couldn’t fathom. He studied it to blend in with every other person here but admired the colors. Although he wouldn’t buy it for millions, it was still a lovely painting. He heard a crash from down the hall, and he was startled out of thought. He knew what was happening. He peeked down the corner and saw the other agents in the museum help flood the citizens out of the building. Castiel stood guard, the gun hidden in its holster tingling.

It was just him and one man who was a trained assassin on the scene now. Everyone else in the building was a hiding civilian or one of the gang’s men. Castiel prayed all the civilians were safe; he wanted no deaths. He stood by the painting, knowing the boss would come for it himself. He was dead set on this, forcing his feet into place to make sure he stayed put.

Castiel heard a quiet whimper echo through the empty room. He furrowed his eyebrows, no one was in here. Or at least he thought no one was. He looked around the room, eyeing a shaky shadow behind a pedestal. He walked over slowly. A young girl, no older than 4, was crying quietly. Castiel’s heart filled with concern, and he quickly squatted down next to him. She saw him and curled further into a ball, shaking.

“Hey hey, calm down. I’m here to help you.” Castiel whispered, trying to soothe her. She just shook more. How could he help a child? He stared at her, unsure of what to do. “Did your mommy ever tell you about policemen?” Castiel asked her softly. She nodded, and he smiled at her. “What did she tell you?” She didn’t respond for a couple seconds, before wiping her eyes.

“She said that they can help you.” She recited unsurely.

“I’m a policeman, can I help you find your mommy?” Castiel asked her. She nodded slowly. “Come on, let’s go.” Castiel held her hand and pulled her up. He slowly guided her out of the room. He knew that heading down the hall and getting her out the front door would be damn near impossible. He shielded her body with his as she led him to the edge of the hall. Peeking around the corner, he saw at least 8 men putting paintings into black duffle bags. He knew it was impossible to get by without being seen, but he would damn well try. He knelt down and whispered.

“You have to be really quiet right now, okay?” He told her, and she nodded her head and looked down. He stroked her hair for a second to calm her down, then walked with her slowly and quietly. No one had seen them yet. Castiel watched the men as their attention went from painting to painting. The little girl stayed right next to his leg, as they walked across the hall. The front door was in sight, surprisingly unbarricaded. They were halfway across the hall when a shout arose from behind them. Castiel pushed her forward and yelled for her to run. Luckily, she dashed fast enough in the confusion to get out of the building safely.

He stood there in defeat as he felt his wrist get grabbed. It was over, but watching that little girl run safely out of the building filled his heart with more relief than anything. The person spun him around and Castiel was met with a gun to his face. He focused on the gun, before looking at the face of the man.

“Dean?” He felt like someone had punched him in the gut. He couldn’t breathe; it was like someone knocked the wind out of him. Dean’s eyes widened in surprise, and he immediately dropped the gun.

“Cas? What are you doing here?” Dean asked, with confusion in his eyes. His breathing was fast as he tightened his grip on Castiel’s wrist. Castiel trembled in his hold, trying to yank his arm away.

“I forgot to tell you that we’re doing a bust today. I was gonna tell you later when this went well and we’d go out for dinner but now-fuck! You fucking work with them? You held a fucking gun to my face! I can’t think, I can’t believe you’d do this.” Castiel’s anger turned to sadness and tears began to spill out of his eyes.

“I-I,” Dean scrambled for words, “I was forced to.” He blurted out. He put on a sad, ashamed face. “I was going to tell you, but I was so scared. I didn’t want you to hate me.” Dean sniffled and looked down. He shook his head in shame. Castiel stared at him; his boyfriend of six years just admitted to being a member of the gang that he had been tracking for years. He held a gun to his face. But here he was, crying in shame and fear. Castiel sighed and caressed his face.

“You should’ve told me, I can help you.” Castiel wiped the tears from his face with his free hand. “You really should’ve told me.” 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. Can we talk about this when we get home? I can’t even bear to look at you, God, I’m sorry.” Dean mumbled, keeping his gaze on the ground. Castiel nodded. 

“I just need to find the boss, so I can bring him in. Then I can leave.” Castiel promised. As much as he needed to leave and think, he had to finish the job. Dean looked up at him, his expression one of annoyance, then stern. 

“Don’t waste your time, he didn’t come,” Dean said, looking off to the side. Castiel stared at him in confusion.    
  
“What do you mean he didn’t come? We had clear evidence that he would be here.” Castiel looked around for any man that held an aura of power. Maybe he hadn’t told his men? Dean gritted his teeth.

“He didn’t come, now leave.” Dean hissed and pushed Castiel towards the door. Dean seemed to be growing more impatient by the second, desperation undertoning his harsh voice. Castiel glared at him; there was no need to be pushy. He spun to leave.

“Boss! Watch out!” A man’s voice cried out, and instantly, Dean whipped around without hesitation, and shot an aiming sniper in the head. The man collapsed on top of his gun and pushed it off the railway. It clattered to the ground, surprisingly not firing from the second-floor drop. Castiel watched in horror as the man slunk over the railway, blood seeping from his head and dripping to the floor. Crimson splattered the floor below his body, slowly growing a puddle from the dripping source. He was dead, he was clearly 100% dead, and Dean had just shot him. He’d been called boss, what the hell did that mean? There was no way, no. No! Castiel couldn’t believe it. He backed away slowly in terror, nearly tripping over himself.

“Castiel, stop. I can explain.” Dean pleaded, dropping the gun. “He was going to shoot me. I had to!”

“How the hell are you going to find a way to explain this? You fucking run this thing? You’re the goddamn boss? You just lied to me, you fucking manipulated me! How can I believe anything you say?” Castiel growled, his voice cracking. “How can I believe the last six years of my life? Oh my god, I’ve been telling you fucking everything, I’m-” Castiel cried.

“Cas, stop.” 

“Don’t fucking tell me to stop, and don’t you dare call me that! After everything you just did, and all these things you've done behind my back, you don’t deserve to. I should’ve known, I should’ve realized. You were always so fucking vague with your job, your friends, your money, and my dumbass didn’t even question it! I’ve been telling you everything we know about you guys, I’m a disgrace to the fucking FBI!” Castiel sobbed. 

“Stop! Just fucking stop! We’re going to talk about this, we’re going home!” Dean snapped. He reached for Castiel’s arm, but Castiel flinched and wobbled backward. He kept shaking his head and murmuring to himself, tears crowding his eyes. “Cas, come on.  _ Now. _ ” Dean demanded, but Castiel shook his head. 

“I need to think.” He said and ran out of the building. Dean growled and watched him go. Anger poured into his systems; how could he just run like that? He ran like he was escaping a fucking monster, like hellfire was right on his heels. Most of all, he ran from Dean without listening to him. Cas better fucking be home when Dean got there. He turned back and glared at his men, who were watching with wide eyes. 

“What the fuck are you looking at? Hurry the fuck up before I shoot one of you too!” He barked, waving his gun in the air. The men quickly got back to work, and Dean glared at the ground, his jaw clenched. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there is a bit of gore/graphic violence in this chapter. Its mainly in the flashback so you can skip that if you need to. I hope everyone is doing well!

Castiel ran out of the museum, his vision blinded by tears. His boyfriend of six years was a murderer, and even worse, he was the murderer Castiel had been trying to catch for four years. He had been carelessly feeding Dean the information without stopping to use logic, and who knows how many times he had helped Red Damnation escape prison or worse, helped them hurt people. The countless images of crime scenes filled his head; memories of maimed bodies, blood splattered walls, and slit throats attacked him. He had helped that happen; he had helped countless murderers stay free and he had helped them kill. 

_Castiel walked into the building, preparing himself for the worst scenario possible. The building itself smelled rotten, but it only became worse as he neared the room. Yellow tape blocked off the doorway. Castiel flashed his badge at the cop guarding the room before ducking under the tape and into the room. He immediately closed his eyes, wincing. The room was doused with blood; the walls, the bed, the floor, soaked. There were only two bodies in the room so God knows where the rest of the blood came from. Castiel walked over to the first body, carefully stepping over whatever could be considered evidence._

_“Vic’ is a 25 year old male. Andrew Gallagher. Looks like a drug killing.” An agent supplied. Castiel nodded and stared at the body. Poor guy probably had so much going for him. It doesn’t matter what kind of crap deal you’re caught up in, this was just brutal. His eyes were gouged out and his fingernails were gone. The man’s head was like a mush at the top. Stab wounds covered the body. Cause of death could be anything from head trauma to blood loss. Red Damnation was known for its heartless kills, but this was just insane. Castiel pulled his eyes away from the body, saying a small prayer for Andrew._

_Castiel stepped over to the next body. It wasn’t as mutilated as Andrew’s so he assumed that this girl wasn’t a part of anything. Slashes covered her body, hitting every major artery. Whoever did this was a skilled killer. No hit of the knife was wasted. Still brutal. To bleed out, while possibly watching the torture of another person? Who knew what their connection was. Maybe they were friends, or even worse, lovers. Castiel sucked in a breath, nodding._

_“Any ID on the girl?” He asked. The other agent shook his head. “Bring me the autopsy papers when they come. Any information that you find here, you report to me.” Castiel said. He said a final prayer for the two bodies that had been found and scowled at the ‘RD’ painted on the wall in blood._

Bile rose in his throat and the stinging forced more tears to well in his eyes. He stumbled down the stairs to his car, but he only made it a few steps before the nausea became overpowering. He turned and vomited on the steps next to him, his throat burning in pain. He felt so gross, so disgusted with himself, even more so now that he had thrown up over himself and the steps of the museum. He ran to his car, hoping he would hold back his tears and nausea long enough to drive home.

The apartment was empty, and it felt so cold. Lies built this apartment, dirty money helped pay for this apartment and everything in it. Castiel kept his keys clutched in his hand; he was shaking and walking as quietly as possible. If Dean was one of _them_ , the main one, who knows who or what he had in here watching him. Dean. He shook his head and erased the thought from his mind; he would not think about him. He stood in front of their bedroom, staring in. He couldn’t push himself to step in, to go inside. Everything that had happened in this room never should have happened, it was disgusting to think back on. Bile raised in his throat once again as Castiel remembered what he had wanted earlier. The thought of being intimate with Dean now was revolting.

Castiel trembled as he walked into the room. He edged around the bed, staying inches away. Once he reached the closet, he pulled open the door and grabbed his suitcase off the ground. It was white, a pattern of bees all over it, and he smiled softly. It made him feel slightly better. He stood there and stared at it; he was still processing the events that had just happened. He shook his head quickly and began to throw clothes into his suitcase. The clothes piled in, sweaters with the arms splayed out and jeans with the pant legs randomly folded. Castiel picked a photo off the dresser. It was him and Dean hugging in a gazebo at their friend’s wedding. Castiel didn’t even realize he was crying again until a tear fell onto the frame. He chewed the inside of his cheek before shoving the photo in face down. He shut the suitcase and grabbed it, heading for the door.

Castiel reached for the handle, but the metal repelled him. He couldn’t move his hand forward, something paralyzing his entire body. He couldn’t just leave Dean, could he? Dean had been his anchor, he had kept Castiel sane. Castiel sighed and dropped his hand. He still loved him, his feelings wouldn’t disappear in a split second. He couldn’t stay here though; who knows what Dean would do to him once he got home. Just leaving felt harsh though, he couldn’t hurt him like that. Yet, Dean had hurt him. He hurt him so bad. Castiel could easily get up and leave, but he still hated the thought of breaking Dean’s heart. He sighed and dropped his suitcase. 

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pen and a paper towel. He scribbled down a few words before dropping it on the kitchen table, grabbing his suitcase, and walking out of the apartment. He kept it short, clear, and concise; he was leaving, and that he was sorry. Castiel drove, with no destination set in his mind. 

Dean got home an hour later. He had given Cas more than enough time to cool off. They would have a civilized talk, he would understand, and everything would go back to normal. He took a deep breath and opened the door as calmly as he could. Scaring Cas wouldn’t help in this situation. 

“Cas, are you home? We need to talk, baby. I can explain everything.” Dean called, his voice echoing around the apartment. Dean dropped his keys on the table and locked the door. “Cas, come on. Don’t be like this.” He coaxed. He walked around the apartment and checked every room to find no one. Anger pulsed in his veins, but he rationalized that maybe he just wasn’t home yet. He had to be not home yet. Cas wouldn’t dare to leave, not just because of this. Dean had been the perfect boyfriend, and there is no way Cas would just leave him. Dean repeated that and grinned to himself. He was perfect, who would leave him? No one in their right mind would. He made his way into the kitchen to start dinner, to keep being a perfect boyfriend for his love. Something laid on the kitchen table, and Dean went to pick up whatever was on it, and his arrogant aura darkened to anger and gloom. A note lay on the table. Castiel had left.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years have passed since Castiel has left.

Dean leaned against the wall, waiting for the woman in front of him to regain consciousness. Eventually, she did. Struggling against the ropes holding her in the chair, she glared at Dean.

“You wouldn’t.” Bela growled. “You need me. I’m the best damn supplier you got.” Dean chuckled and pushed himself off the wall. He leaned in close to her, hands positioned on both of the arm rests.

“What happened to my money?” Dean asked, smirking in her face. She scowled, twisting her arms. Dean raised his eyebrows, grabbing her wrists and pressing them into the wooden arms. She squeaked in pain, gritting her teeth. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean sighed. This really was going to be irritating.

“I gave you 10 kilos of stuff. You only came back with 100 grand. You know how much this shit sells for. Do the math and what? I’m missing,” Dean paused and put his hand on his chin, “...about 100 grand.” Bela shook her head angrily. “You know what, I have better things to do right now.” Dean said and headed to leave the room.

“That’s it?” Bela asked, shocked. She was expecting the agonizing torture she had heard about. Dean turned around at the doorway and smiled.

“Yeah, that's it.” Dean pulled out a gun and shot her in the head. 

Dean sat at the mahogany desk, and leaned back into the cushioned office chair, a cold glass of whiskey occupied his right hand. His legs were folded, resting on top of the other in a square-like formation. He bit his lip, his thumb rubbing through his other fingers before his off hand closed into a fist. He leaned back farther and groaned. It had been nearly two years now, but he still couldn’t get Cas out of his damn mind. He always saw that soft, black hair every time he tried to sleep. He always saw those deep blue eyes when he closed his eyes. He always saw those stupidly pink, chapped lips in his dreams. Those goddamn lips were the softest thing he’s felt, which was surprising because Cas didn’t seem to know that chapstick existed.

Dean took a swift shot of his whiskey, then gently placed it down with a sigh, closing his eyes in defeat. Those lips haunted him; he could feel them ghosting along his. He felt them everywhere, especially the one place Cas knew how to work. Dean’s back arched slightly as his palms lowered until they reached his pants, slipping into place in hopes to replicate the intensity that Cas's used to have. Memories mixed with fantasy crept into his head, and Dean grinned. He could see everything as the recurring dream started in his mind once more. 

_ Dean walked around the park, the one route that he and his lover used to take. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, a gun missing a bullet tucked into his pocket. The people around him whispered in fear and his ego boosted further as he walked around. He caught eyes with a familiar face near the fountain. Dean’s eyebrows shifted and a smirk grew on his face. He walked towards Castiel slowly, letting the surprise grow on his face.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Didn’t expect to see me, huh?” Dean teased, a dark undertone to his voice. He stood in front of Castiel, purposefully towering over him. Castiel’s eyes were wide and he opened his mouth, but no words came out. “I guess you didn’t.” Dean reached out to stroke his hair, and gave it a sharp tug. Castiel’s eyes snapped shut and reopened, red and teary.  _

_ “I’m, I-,” He stuttered, staring up at Dean with large eyes, “I didn’t think I’d see you again.” He whispered softly. Dean caressed his cheek, then gripped his jaw tight.  _

_ “Yeah, I really bet you didn’t. Did you miss me?” Dean growled, letting his sweet facade drop. More tears sprouted in Castiel’s eyes and a couple trailed down his cheek. _

Dean growled unconsciously, and the sound reverberated around his office. He loved seeing Cas cry, watching tears make his eyes red and puffy. He was so fucking pretty, and it aroused Dean more than anything. His memory wandered to Castiel’s dad’s funeral; that had been a good day for Dean, and he had taken more than a couple bathroom breaks. He knows it’s sick, but he can’t help it. Dean shook his head and forced himself to return to the current daydream.

_ “I bet you really missed me. Tell me you missed me.” Dean hissed. Castiel’s throat bobbed as he swallowed hard.  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ “I missed you! I really did.” Desperation seeped into his voice, his jaw growing sore from Dean’s grip. Dean grinned.

_ “I bet you did, I’m better than anyone else you can find, in every sense.” Dean let go of Castiel’s jaw, and his head snapped back as he rubbed it. He seemed to sink into the park bench, making himself as small as possible. Submission radiated in his aura as if he could sense the danger in Dean’s. “Keep looking at me!” Dean barked, and Castiel’s head shot up before Dean could grab it. Those eyes would be the death of him; wide, puffy, but still so blue and beautiful. “Show me how much you missed me, right now.” Dean pulled Castiel off the bench and shoved him to his knees. Castiel’s eyes filled with apprehension. _

_ “But we’re, we’re in public! There are people here.” Castiel protested, his voice softening with each word, realizing that Dean would not care to hear them. He frantically looked around, before staring back up at Dean, his eyes full of anxiety and humiliation.  _

_ “Well you’ve been gone for so long. Let them know you’re mine. Let them know why you should've never left me.” Dean bucked his hips expectantly, forcibly pulling Castiel's face closer to them. A final tear streaked down Castiel's cheek, before a sigh, and a nod. _

Dean snapped out of his mind, pulling his hands away from their previous position, quickly wiping the contents of them onto an old, coffee stained napkin. He sat there, now relaxed. God, years later, and he still longed to hold Castiel in his arms. He felt his arms wrap around himself, trying to cuddle someone that wasn’t there. He was angry at Cas, rage boiled in his blood whenever he thought about that day, but he missed him. Nothing could replace him.

“Hey boss? We have some news.” A voice broke Dean from his thoughts. 

“What?” Dean asked impatiently. His fingers drummed along his desk.

“We found him.” The man said, and Dean’s heart stopped.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's okay!

Dean nearly gasped when he saw Cas. He couldn’t believe that Cas was actually here, right within his reach. Dean watched Cas search the store for whatever he was looking for. Cas’s body seemed to move on its own. So he still knows the layout of this place by heart, Dean smiled. He stalked around the store, gleefully watching Cas in his natural habitat. His hair was still the same old black mess. He surprisingly still had an air of confidence to his walk. Dean watched him jump for the cookies on the top shelf. Cas really could’ve used the extra two inches. After Cas tried a couple more times, Dean figured it was time to make his entrance.

Castiel walked around the market, trying to find the specific brand of cookies his sister wanted. He wasn’t allowed to go home until he found them, according to her. Bridezilla’s aren’t to be messed with, as he learned. He floated up and down the snack food aisle again and studied each item. He kept reading the same labels, Oreos, Chips Ahoy, and some generic store brands. Hannah just has to have her special cookies. Castiel sighed as he found them. They, of course, were on the top shelf. The top shelf which he could not reach. He stood on his tiptoes and strained his arm up to grab it, but a muscled arm grabbed it for him. Castiel turned to thank the man, but as soon as he saw him, he grew silent.

“Romeo, romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” Dean teased with a smirk. Castiel stared at him, trembling. His palms began to sweat and he vigorously wiped them on his pants. He felt like he was going to throw up, like his legs would collapse. He hadn’t seen Dean in years, yet the man still messed with his head. The first six months after he left, Castiel had recurring nightmares and panic attacks. Castiel was just beginning to recover and he wouldn’t let the man who broke his heart ruin that. He couldn’t show his fear, though he was sure it was evident on his face.

“That’s not what that quote means.” Castiel said. Dean shook his head, grinning.

“I didn’t exactly pay attention in English, you know this. So, did you miss me?” Dean asked, reaching out to grab Castiel’s arm. Castiel stepped away and dodged the touch, his shaking ruining his balance. He swallowed and shook his head. Lies. That was the biggest lie Castiel had ever told. He cried himself to sleep for countless nights when he left, hating himself for wanting to be in Dean’s embrace. That damned picture Castiel took was buried in his bedside drawer. He even unconsciously slept on his side of the bed for three months. Even now, Castiel wanted to melt into Dean’s green eyes. He missed the gruff of Dean’s voice, the safety of Dean’s arms. Dean’s face flashed with a dark anger that quickly disappeared. “Come on, let’s go home. I bought a house, but it’s just as good as the apartment.” Dean reached for Castiel’s arm again, but Castiel moved back, more ready and stable than before. He shook his head defiantly.

“No.” Dean’s face contorted into anger, that this time, didn’t leave.

“Cas, come on. Now. It’s been two fucking years, get over it and come home.” He didn’t make any movements, but his eyes smoldered with rage. Castiel had never been on this side of his rage before. Sure, Dean had gotten mad at him, but the unbridled anger that he was radiating right now was no comparison. Castiel shook his head again, his jaw clenched. His palms were still sweating bullets, but his wobbling had calmed down. “Cas, I swear to fucking God, come here right now.” His voice was deadly quiet. His fists were clenched at his sides, and once again, Castiel began to lose control of his fear. He looked around the aisle, but no one else had an apparent need for snacks. “I have a goddamn gun, don’t make me use it.” Castiel felt his mouth go dry. He stepped towards Dean, and Dean’s shoulders relaxed. “Good boy, come on.” He coaxed. Castiel took another step, grabbed the cookies, and ran.

He ran past the self check-out and didn’t stop until he reached his car. An angry driver honked loudly as he ran past the car, and several people watched at him like he was a lunatic, but Castiel didn’t stop. He locked his car doors and sat there, gasping for breath and crying.

He ran. Cas fucking  _ ran. _ Dean growled and crashed his arms along the shelf, causing an avalanche of boxes to fall. It's been two goddamn years, how long would it take for Cas to understand? When Dean heard that Cas was back in town, he was sure that they would reconcile and get back together. Why wouldn’t they? Cas was hurt, sure, but Dean  _ needed _ him. Cas had to get over it, this was just relentless. Dean stomped out of the store and scanned the parking lot, only to see a tan car peel out onto the road.

Cas hadn’t changed. Cas was still the same boy, Dean’s boy. Cas would see that eventually. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you guys are doing okay. I think I figured out an update schedule. I'm gonna try to have a new chapter once a week. The first few chapters came out in rapid succession just because I already had them written.

Castiel sat in his sister’s driveway, trying to control his breathing. His hyperventilating and blurred eyes caused him to nearly crash several times when driving back. Castiel knew there was a chance he would see Dean; of course, he knew that. But, just because you know something doesn’t mean you’re ready for it. Dean had changed. He looked tired, rough. Castiel felt sympathy churn in his gut. Dean was a bad guy, but damn, it still hurt to see him hurt. Castiel couldn’t ignore the tug his heart felt when he saw Dean. He couldn’t ignore the urge to run into his arms and kiss him. Castiel wiped tears from his eyes and left the car.

Castiel walked into the house and tossed the cookies on a nearby table. The house was silent; Hannah wasn’t home. He was glad Hannah wasn’t home, he didn’t have the energy for her right now. Castiel stepped up the first stair, then paused. He squinted at the door, making sure it was locked. Once he was sure, he continued up the stairs and flopped on the bed in Hanna’s guest room. He sighed loudly and pulled out his phone. He needed to talk to someone.

“Heya Cassie! Already missing me?” Charlie laughed. Castiel rolled his eyes. 

“I saw Dean.” Castiel said. Silence on the other side. Castiel tried to keep his past life a secret when he moved. His higher ups know about him and Dean, so he was obviously taken off the Red Damnation case. He was assigned to general homicide, and that was that. Them and Charlie were the only ones who knew about Dean. He hadn’t meant to tell Charlie; it was a drunken night at the bar six months in. 

“Are you okay?” Charlie asked, and Castiel could hear the sympathy in her voice. He stayed silent.

“No.” He sighed. “No, I’m not. He came out of nowhere. I didn’t-I wasn’t,” Castiel took a deep breath, “I miss him. I didn’t realize how much I miss him until I saw him. 

“Aw honey, it's gonna be okay. Remember, you’re only there for a week. Party it up with Hannah then you can come right on back! Plus, you got someone waiting for you.” Castiel could feel Charlie wiggling her eyebrows. He laughed and shook his head. He had met Balthazar at a bar a year into his new life. Balthazar, a complete flirt who seemed hellbent on winning Castiel’s heart. Whenever they hung out, he dropped cheesy pick up lines and winks. He was a sweet guy. Castiel felt bad that Balthazar was wasting his time on him. No one would really be able to win Castiel’s heart again soon.

“Yeah, sure. I just, he pulled a gun on me, Charlie. Again.” Castiel said. It started out fine, but his voice cracked and he whispered the ending. 

“What a fucking asshole!” Charlie growled. “If he pulls anything like that again, I’m coming down there and beating his ass.” Castiel hiccuped and Charlie’s voice softened. “I’m so sorry.” Castiel took a deep breath.

“It’s alright. I think I’m gonna get some sleep.” Castiel said. They said their goodbyes, Charlie throwing in some colorful words, and then hung up. Castiel turned on his side and laid still. He was still in jeans, but he was too tired to care. 

Castiel woke up to screeching downstairs. He groaned and rubbed his head, sitting up. It must’ve been like 9pm, the sun was down. Hannah was, rather clearly, home. He walked down the stairs.

“How’s the bride?” Castiel asked, smiling at her. She shrieked and threw her arms around Castiel. Castiel hugged back, confused by the intense affection. He’s been here for two days already.

“Ohmygod so I went to see the baker to reconfirm my order on the cake and everything is in order! Plus, Hael said she can make it now! I’m so excited!” Hannah poured out. She was so full of energy, it was unbelievable. Castiel laughed.

“I’m glad.” Hannah bounced around, throwing down her bag and dancing around the room.

“I’m gonna have a movie night with the girls! I gotta grab my pajamas and dash!” She squeaked and ran to the stairs. She paused and turned around. “You know I love you, right? I’m sorry I’ve been so busy and we haven’t been able to hang out.” 

“Please.” Castiel shook his head. “Get out there, have fun! You’re about to get married. We spent our lives together, I don’t know if I can stand much more of you.” He said, waving her off. Hannah stuck her tongue out and ran to her room. Castiel threw himself down on the couch and turned on the TV. Some crappy horror movie was playing and Castiel settled in to watch. A few minutes later, he heard Hannah run out of the house. The door slammed shut, and he was alone. 

The movie had ended a while ago and now Castiel was halfway through another lame teen scream. The characters were miraculously dumb, but what else was new? Castiel stood up from the couch as a girl got her head bashed in. He walked to the kitchen to microwave some popcorn and rolled his eyes, listening to the overdramatic music of the movie. He pushed a pack of popcorn in the microwave and turned around, looking out a window. A shadow moved outside and Castiel chuckled to himself. 

“Oh no, a spooky murderer!” He exclaimed, waving his hands around. The microwave beeped and Castiel turned around to take it out. Forgetting the shadows of the swaying trees outside, he walked back over to the couch to finish the movie. 

“Can I get some?” A voice came from behind him. Castiel nearly chucked the bowl into the air and turned around. Dean stood there, smiling like an idiot.

“How did you get in? Get out!” Castiel sputtered. He hadn’t heard the door open. He would’ve heard someone opening a window downstairs. Dean plopped onto the couch and grabbed a handful of popcorn. 

“Left your bedroom window open. Should really lock up your ladder.” Dean said through a mouthful of popcorn. He tried to throw his arm around Castiel, but Castiel immediately stood up and took a step back.

“Get out! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Castiel asked. He had actually managed to forget about Dean for a bit and of course, he just had to show up and ruin it. Dean shifted on the couch to face Castiel and looked at him sadly.

“I said I was sorry, Cas. I miss you. I want everything to go back to normal.” Dean pleaded. Castiel gritted his teeth. That was never going to happen. 

“Didn’t seem like that when you threatened me with a gun.” Castiel snapped. Dean visibly winced at that. 

“I didn’t want to, okay! You just wouldn’t listen! You have to let me explain.” Dean said frustratedly and Castiel snorted. Let him explain? How on Earth would Dean excuse pulling a gun on him? Dean stood up, shaking his head and sighing. “Just sit down. Let me explain.” Castiel scoffed and shook his head, pointing to the door. 

“Out.” Dean narrowed his eyebrows at that. He lunged at Castiel, pulling him down onto the couch. Castiel screeched and struggled in Dean’s arms, but Dean pinned him down onto the couch. He sat on Castiel’s legs, holding his arms down. Castiel huffed and looked down. He wouldn’t look at Dean. He couldn’t.

“Listen!” Dean growled. Castiel whimpered. Dean’s eyes softened. “I love you. I love you more than anything. Losing you was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I just need you to come back, Cas.” Dean whispered. He leaned down to kiss Castiel, but Castiel quickly turned his head away.

“No.”

“I know you miss me. I can see it on your face. You can’t deny it.” Dean retorted. Castiel kept his gaze turned away. He couldn’t say anything. Dean sounded so genuine. Damn his heart for being so foolish in love. Castiel believed every word Dean said, but that didn’t change that they couldn’t be together. Dean was a monster. Nonetheless, Castiel’s heart was begging to give in. “We could be perfect together again. I’ll take care of you. You don’t need to feel guilty. Hell, you don’t even have to hear about the gang shit. I won’t bring it up. It would just be you and me again.” Castiel’s thoughts kicked in when he heard Dean. Taking advantage of Dean’s lax hold, Castiel headbutted Dean and rolled out from under him.

“Leave, Dean. I can’t be with you and I never will.” Castiel said firmly. Dean just stared at him. He got up, nodded at Castiel, and walked out the door. Castiel ran and slammed the door shut, locking it. He sunk down in front of the door and put his head in his hands. What the hell just happened? Castiel, his mood spoiled and his head throbbing, walked upstairs, slammed his window shut, and went to bed. 

The next morning, Castiel woke up. Hannah probably wouldn’t be home until noon. He trudged downstairs, willing last night’s events out of his mind. That seemed to be impossible, though, as there was a bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table: beautiful red roses accompanied by a note that simply said ‘I love you’. Castiel smiled tiredly, remembering the days where this was common. He smelled the roses and placed them down gently. 

As Castiel was halfway through eating his cereal, he realized Dean didn’t show up with those last night. Dean broke in again. Castiel stared at the flowers in disgust, and he picked them up, clutching them tight. Dean broke in again. Castiel scowled at the flowers and held them over the garbage. After a two minute internal fight, Castiel dumped them and went back to eating his cereal. Dean already threatened him and broke in twice. Just how far would Dean go?


	7. I'm coming back

hey! I'm gonna be updating this fic again soon! I kinda fell off the map taking care of my mental health but I'm doin good! Hopefully I'll have a new chapter out by next week!


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